Part 3...Personal Growth

Well...If I'm being honest this post was my most difficult one to compose. You see...talking about my struggles is much more difficult than the glowing, smiling social media posts that adorn my Instagram, Twitter, and Facebook. It's hard to be real. 

But the truth is...Every single step of my Teacher of the Year journey has been filled with fear, uncertainty, anxiety, self-doubt, and even full blown panic attacks at times.  

Anxiety is a demon I have wrestled with for most of my life in some form or fashion and has been my most prominent struggle in adulthood. There are times it's controlled and times it's grabbing me by the throat and not letting me breathe.  Regardless it's my go-to excuse as to why I cannot accomplish great things. 

I recall sitting in the auditorium during our welcome back faculty gathering and our district teacher of the year stepped onto the stage to give her speech. I recall very vividly thinking "How cool is that...But I could never be able to do something as brave as that."

6 years later (this past August) I was the one stepping onto that stage to give my speech as district teacher of the year. 

The months leading up to this were completely filled with sleepless nights, relentless rehearsing of my speech, obsessive TED-talk watching, and sheet doubt that I would not literally pass out on that stage. As I stood off to the side waiting to be introduced I literally dug my fingernails into my arm so hard that I have permanent scars left behind. Moments before I spoke I could feel that all too familiar feeling of fear bubbling up and about to take over. However...as I began to speak...something changed. I felt powerful....and calm...and in control. It was one of the most exhilarating moments I can recall. And as I stepped off that stage I felt the most insane sense of relief that I was DONE with my big Teacher of the Year responsibilities. 

Well. I wasn't done.  My journey continued over the next few weeks until I was announced as the state teacher of the year in late September. And THAT is when the true, overwhelming, sheer panic set in. I was going to be put into all sorts of new situations and would be the face...the voice...of an entire state of educators. The task was just too big for me and I was convinced I could not do it. My anxiety would not let me do it. 

Yet. I did. 

Each new step...each new meeting...each new situation... I survived. I may have been shaky and sweaty but I survived.

And amazingly enough every time I accomplished something new...the next thing was not so scary.

I was changing. 

However...as my first big ATOY trip approached....I began down that familiar spiral of self-doubt. I was convinced that I would panic on the airplane, that I would get lost, that I would lose an important piece of paper at the airport, that my luggage would get lost, the plane would crash, no one would talk to me, etc. I could literally fill an entire page of fears I had built up. I would be placed into seriously challenging situations and new experiences....flying for the first time...maneuvering the airport...finding transportation...teaching in front of strangers....sharing my thoughts with others...being the voice of my state...being on my own. 

However....I did it. I did them all. I flew on 4 planes through 3 airports...took 4 Lyfts...meet an entire nation of teachers...spoke from my heart...made new friends and I survived each new or challenging experience. Again...I may have been sweaty and shaky but I tackled each new experience. 

But what I was most fearful of was that I would show up at this big meeting with all these amazing educators from across the country and they would look at me and think...

"What in the hell is she doing here?"

I was absolutely certain everyone would see exactly what I had felt since September..."Well...they sure picked the wrong chick for Arkansas. This cannot be the person they want as their voice." 

Self-doubt could have easily been tattooed across my face. 

But...then as I sat down for my first session...our presenter shared that every single person in the room was having those same thoughts and doubts. And as she spoke I looked around the room and could see the truth resonating in so many other's eyes. I wasn't the only one doubting their place in this room. Many of us were. And it would be our jobs over the next few days to prove ourselves that we were deserving of our titles and that we did deserve a seat at the state teacher of the year table. 

And so...over the next few days...I found my voice. I felt validation  from others. I found confidence I didn't know existed in me.  

Each and every step gave me something to build upon...something to cling to. Each step changed me just a teensy bit. 

And as I stepped off the plane coming home, I knew I would go forward in this journey with a different self-talk...a different expectation...and a whole new support team behind me. 

I accomplished so many silly, small things during my trip to Google that used to feel like such huge things that I could "never do." 

All those small things are just that...small. My once HUGE fear of speaking in front of my district now seems like such a tiny feat now. At the time...it was the greatest thing imaginable for me to accomplish. And looking back...it was the pivotal moment in which I began to find my voice. 

Anxiety will always be a burden that goes along with me on every journey I take...however...as my journey get bigger and greater than I could've ever imagined...fear and anxiety seem to be getting smaller and smaller.  

And honestly...I have no clue what all lies in my year ahead...but I do know one thing for sure...I can accomplish great things and will continue to grow and change and learn. 

For I am...Randi House, the 2018 Arkansas Teacher of the Year

Part TWO- Professional Growth

So in my last post I wrote about the relationships piece of my experience at Google. In this post I'm focusing on my professional growth.

So over those few days I heard Sal Kahn (founder of The Kahn Academy) tell his story. Wow...it was a doozy. He was so focused and driven on accomplishing his goal. Just so impressed.

Andy Goodman taught me how to utilize storytelling to ignite change and how to sculpt my stories to being more impactful.

Two representative from TEDed taught us how to pick a topic and develop that topic into a Ted Talk. We will be piloting a new program that will result in us giving our own Ted Talk...turbo yikes! For this project we partner up with someone to bounce ideas off of and cheer each other on.

I taught a 5 minute lesson to a room full of other elementary teachers and got to hear their lessons as well. I took 7 pages of notes. Literally. 7 pages. These folks are incredible.

I learned of the history the Teacher of the Year program and felt pride fill every ounce of my being to be a part of this amazing group of people.

I visited The Primary School which is founded by Pricilla Chan (wife of Facebook founder Mark Zuckerburg). This school focuses on serving homeless and severely impoverished students ages 3-5. The school takes a holistic approach to including families and community into the classroom. It focuses on three areas of growth/development academic, soul, and health/wellness. I got to observe in several classrooms and meet some precious kiddos.

I learned how to navigate various forms of media.

I expanded my knowledge of equity and parent/community engagement.

However, the most impactful thing I did was to listen to my fellows STOYS and engage in "edu-talk" with them. I felt like I gained more knowledge in those 3 days than I did in years of college work. I came home with a book full of notes, several new professional texts, and ideas swirling galore.

And this is only the beginning!

Stay tuned for part 3...personal growth...coming soon!

I went to Google and it changed my life.

Yes I get that title is a little overdone, however it speaks so much truth. I went to Google a week ago and it literally changed my life.

As Arkansas Teacher of the Year, I was invited to an Induction Ceremony hosted by CCSSO in San Francisco...and Google hosted us. So I, along with 54 other state/territory teachers of the year, met for the first time in Palo Alto and would spend approximately 14 hours a day together for the next 3 days. Complete strangers coming together to share stories and talk education. It didn't take long before complete strangers became cohorts and partners in change.

After much reflection about my experience...I have decided to break my blog posts into three parts because I feel this experience changed me in 3 specific ways.

1. Relationships
2. Professional Growth
3. Personal Growth


First....let's talk relationships.

I cannot describe the feeling of arriving at a hotel in Palo Alto and riding down the elevator to meet my new National Teacher of the Year family for our meet and greet reception. The people I would spend my next year of life with. The people that will be along side me as I take on my new role and responsibilities. And it was like the first day of school in junior high. I was completely overwhelmed with nervousness and fear that I would have no one to talk to. Walking into the lobby which was bustling with excitement and standing on the edge of group looking in, I felt completely vulnerable. I imagine this is how many students feel the first day of school. I secretly prayed that someone...anyone...would approach me and strike up a conversation.

And thankfully...someone did. And then someone else did...and eventually I began to feel a part of the tribe. It was very obvious that most others were experiencing the same fears and feelings as well. Over the next few days we began to connect and converse and bond. We supported each other and cheered each other on. We laughed and cried and even danced. I met some amazing teachers. The kinds of teachers I strive to be...the kinds of teachers that lead and blaze new trails. The kinds of teachers that inspire me.

I met Melissa from Montana, Becky from Idaho, and Erin from Connecticut and they quickly became my homies. We connected instantly and clung to each other for comfort in new situations. We laughed entirely too much for folks that just met. Melissa...our sweet politician...who has amazing hair and shares my same enthusiasm for caricaturists.  Becky...oh sweet Becky...her sarcasm and quick wit captured my heart right away. Erin...my fellow newbie traveler...who amazed us all with her techie note taking and ability to be the calm to our storm. And they all 3 have such passion for their students. I am so excited to learn from them.

I met Lisa from North Carolina, Rachel from South Dakota, and Sara from Wyoming...the other 3 kindergarten teachers. We instantly shared a bond as the only kinder teachers and we all are the voice of early education. I cannot wait to learn from them.

I met Joshua from Arizona who validated me right when I needed it and Ben from Alaska who taught me about scientific literacy and Michael from Pennsylvania who amazed me with his 5 clues project that I have already borrowed for my own classroom. I met Jinni from Delaware whose excitement for education fueled my fire and developed into a classroom connection between our two classes.

I could go on and on and on. Every single person I met inspired me. As those 3 days wrapped up, I was sad to realize that for every awesome teacher I connected with, there was another I missed. I have already made my list for our next event so that I can continue to connect with these amazing people who represent our nation!

It really is a unique experience to have a group of people come together as complete strangers and leave 3 days later as friends. I have spent my time since being home continuing to connect with them as we are all navigating our roles. I am thankful to have them all by my side for this insane ride.

Part two coming soon...professional growth!